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The big pitch for the royal wedding

In the days leading up to The Royal Wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, entertainment reporters were busy churning out stories about the nuptials.  The wedding party, the ensembles, the private teas and the health of the bride’s father blanketed much of the news despite Donald Trump’s best efforts to top the TV ratings race.

I can remember the weeks leading up to Lady Diana Spencer’s wedding day.  A few decades and a lot more cynicism later, I was happy to see Prince William start his family despite growing up with a less than stellar example of marital bliss.

But this time, I – like many on social media – had mixed interest in the big day.

Is it because the bride’s half-sister had been colluding with the paparazzi?  Or that she felt she had to in order to control the stories about her ailing father?

Or is it that I falt like someone was desperately trying to sell me a car I couldn’t afford with bells and whistles I didn’t need?

In recent weeks, the networks aired background stories on the blushing bride-to-be.  A TV movie documented – with limited accuracy – Harry and Meghan’s love story.

News outlets scrupulously studied the friendship between Meghan and nearly-sister-in-law Kate, comparing their fashions and habits.  Oh those fashions.  How they’ve been dissected with “Before” and “After” assessments of skirt length, shoe style (to open-toe or not to open-toe), exposed skin and even fabric patterns.

Of course, no reporter wanted to become persona non grata before the big event.  So with each passing day, the stories became increasingly positive.  Or dare I say, pandering?

“Meghan Markle Stuns in Navy Blue Roland Mouret Before Royal Wedding” wrote E-Online reporter, Diane Nyugen.  Yes, the actress who, until a year ago, was pitching affordable women’s fashions for Canadian retailer Reitmans is now going designer-only.  But did she “stun”?

Well, she put on a blue dress.  She looked lovely.  But really, it’s just a dress, Diane.

Moments earlier, Jess Cohen posted that “Meghan Markle Says She Feels ‘Wonderful’ Hours Before Royal Wedding.”  What else was she supposed to say?  That she’s second guessing her decision to join a family of British in-breeders who live in a fishbowl at the mercy of tabloid fodder 24/7 and she wants her daddy?

And Elyse Dupre wrote that “Meghan Markle's Mom Meets Queen Elizabeth II Ahead of Royal Wedding.”  Don’t most families meet at least once before they all arrive at the altar?  And considering Harry’s mother is dead, grandma is the next mother-figure in line.  So it’s imperative that these two maternal units meet, if for no other reason than to ensure they’re not wearing the same dress at the wedding.

That wouldn’t do.

Of course, I ultimately did watch the main event on TV on Saturday wearing a fancy hat with “boozy trifle” at hand.  (But not at 4am.)  I wish the couple well.  But I hope the media will take a break from royal-watching for a while.

Even whales get a break now and then.